How much do I trust God? It was very revealing, the way I prayed, that I was repeating the same things again and again and again. I came to realise how anxious I was, and that I thought I would not get heard unless I repeat the same requests. Over time I became both bored and discouraged, and stopped praying at all.
At a certain point, I asked myself why bother praying at all if God does not seem to do anything. Immediately I refuted this thought as God is surely good and merciful. And then it dawned on me that I got to respect and trust in God's timing, and during this time of waiting the Spirit should yield its fruits of patience and faith.
"Delight in The Lord and He shall grant the desire of your heart. You will show me the path of life, and fullness of joy in Your presence, at Your right hand happiness forever." Psalm 37 and Psalm 15
As I rejoice in the goodness of God, things begin to move and situations are turned around. New ideas are inspired and breakthroughs are made.
I am so grateful for this experience which reflected what was in my heart. Truly, I can be honest with God in all my feelings and just let Him meet me where I am, and never be put to shame.
God does not only want to answer my prayer, He also wants to touch and heal my disbelief.